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Um. Yes.
A lot of things have happened recently and I definitely have been mia for a while. Thanksgiving, some interviews, a conference, work, people dating, people talking..... life, really.

I don't really know where to start really, haha. Except maybe just stating plainly and admitting to myself that I have been drowning myself in self pity lately. It's the idea that I don't know if I can face God and the Word and Truth that tells me to live the right way, the right path because I keep on failing and hating the things I do, the way I am at times.
It's easier to wallow in shame and self pity and despair than to reach out and grab onto God's truth, even though it's so readily there for me.

I've tried writing a couple of posts, but they turned into half written drafts that never seemed to get to the point.

But... it's better now?

Whatever. Back to devotionals. It's a super busy week (last week of school), but this is important. This is important.

James 1.

All of it.

Lovely.

So many verses speak to me here, especially 22 that states "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."

A sharp reminder to myself that the things I write down and think about are not enough. It has be true change, not something that stops for a little while and then moves on, like a bus passing through a bus stop. Specific things, like being slow to speak, slow to anger - I can't just acknowledge that as truth as well as my sins and then not attempt for change.

There are so many times I "know what is right" and then I brush it off because, oh just this once, or mrk it's not completely applicable here, or whatever I'll do as I please.

This is just a reminder to submit my life to God, including my words and my actions - not merely my thoughts.

God holds my future in his hands right now. He gives, and he takes away. But I will always say, blessed be His name.

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Here is a thought I had: Why is it that we praise God or thank Him for blessing in our lives - and generally those blessings are things that could be considered 'worldly'?
Do we count our blessings in things of the world?
During Thanksgiving, saying my thanks and counting my blessings... I felt many of mine were praises of things I could earn through "human merit".
Do I still put my desires in things of this world?
What are things "not of this world"?
I need to do more research and reading.
But this is just on my mind....