OKAY

The last post was a whiny post and not a fruitful one either!  I had nothing of content there, which is just miserable because the purpose is to write down God thoughts.

So here we go. Got some motivation back, ima gonna try this again.

In Sunday school a while back:
Joshua 13-15 ish

On Optimism:
I wrote a little bit about this on my main blog, but it still pertains here so whatever. Christianity is an optimistic faith.  "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (Heb 11:1). Optimism: Hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something.

Is there a difference between optimism and faith? Yes. the difference is in God. Faith is trusting in God and having confidence that He does have a plan for the things unseen. Optimism is only a state of mind. It's similar to how the difference between fellowship and a support group is God, and only God.

But I am hardly an optimist. So being faithful seems so against my nature as I weight probabilities and likelihood and impossibilities. Once I was telling my discipler about a continual sin -For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing- and she looked at me and asked: do you think you'll ever be rid of this sin?

I thought about it and in the end, concluded in my head: no. 
But then, she asked, then why do you pray for God to take it away if there is no faith that it won't actually be taken away? (paraphrased, but something along those lines)

.... I had no response. My no comes from the past experience and times where I've beg and pleaded for it to be gone, where I felt like I've done everything I could and then also given it up to God knowing that I couldn't change myself and that only He could. Be even then, I sinned and hated myself for it. I sinned and felt guilty. Over and over and why am I writing the past tense? Because I still sin. But all of this, I look at myself and my past and see that I can't escape my sins and why would I be optimistic? But for faith - but for faith - the difference between optimism and faith is God. If it were only about me, then it would be a no. But if it's about God, then it should be a yes, yes I should have the faith. 

It's hard for me, it really is. When I saw how God punished those who did not have faith (and in my mind I thought it was optimism), I was like... God punishes those who are not optimistic. Those who do not believe, or cannot believe. And as a pessimist/realist, I can't help but feel that it's unfair. Why? It's not as if I can suddenly up and become a optimist tomorrow, right?
But maybe then when I do trust God, when I do learn, when I can have faith, it is a testament to His goodness and faithfulness. 

I don't know. I'm rambling.

What do we have faith in? This might sound so philosophical/not practical or whatever, but I am so serious here. The easy answer is God. Or Jesus. 
.... please.
What I mean is this: we have faith - but faith for what?
That God has a plan for us, that if we believe in Jesus Christ that we will go to heaven, that God works good for all who believe (hopefully that's not a misquote), that God is good and just. 
Okay, cool. But does he say that he will take away our desire to sin until heaven? I don't know, I don't think so. He will always forgive us, but.... or is this free will coming to play and taking it away would violate that?
Or for the part where it says God works for good for all who believe.... what kind of good, really though. People hurt, people die, there's suffering in the world. I've already mostly settled this in my mind and heart of how God can "allow" this to happen. But there's this part in the Bible that I can't seem to get over.... When David commits adultery with Bathsheba and she has that first baby... he dies after a week in which David mourns and puts ashes on himself. 2 Samuel 12. 

¹³ Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”
Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. ¹⁴ But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for^[a] the Lord, the son born to you will die.”
¹⁵ After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. ¹⁶ David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth^[b] on the ground. ¹⁷


The child dies after 7 days. The next child that David and Bathsheba have together is King Solomon, the king that God loved dearly. I.... don't get it. I don't get it.
We have faith in God, we have faith that God works good for all who believe. - okay looking it up because i'm referencing it too much to not have original text:

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose.

Okay. So the part I left out is the end, "who have been called according to his purpose". Yes, and our purpose (his purpose?) is to glorify God because that gives us the greatest joy in the end as well. I can understand that, even in our deaths. Humans fear death because it seems like the end of "self". But in God, with his ultimate promise, death is not the end but the beginning (wow sounds pretty trite, but true). Yes. going back though. So God works good for those who love him, but God does not necessarily give us good things. God does not necessarily give us wonderful things. God does not necessarily give us an easy comfortable life. God does not necessarily give us a loving significant other.

So what do I have faith in?
God.

Ah, why can't I find a better answer.

This post is getting too long, I'm getting confused at where I started and ended up.
I'll think about this more later.

One of the gospels tomorrow, I think.