A beautiful verse from Galatians 6:9
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
It was mentioned in today's sermon of how often we pray for something (cessation of a sin, or desiring desire again, etc) but don't really believe that God has the power to let it happen. It struck a chord in me, especially related to the thought that some constants sins of mine would be put to rest. And when it seems like I can't cut it out cold turkey, or even slowly out of my life, it seems so hard to keep believing in doing good.
That Galatians verse is so beautiful because it is both promise and reassurance.
Something sorely needed from time to time when the burden seems too heavy.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Durr
So the daily part petered out again. And I just realized I've never used "peter" in the written form before, only spoken. And man, it looks weird. Regardless, I have not been completely spiritually inactive, just blog inactive.
Had a great discussion on legalism the core of apathy with an awesome person a few days past that I'm going to try to translate here:
I think at the core of apathy is actually the belief that you have to earn your own salvation. That the verse you're reading, the daily quiet time you have, the going-to-church part is "necessary" for salvation. And that's when it becomes a burden, a bothersome weight that ties you down and makes you think, ugh why do I have to do this when there are so many other things to do? You might know in your head that you ought to want it, you ought to do it because it's the "right" thing to do. But still, you don't really feel like doing it.
My fellowship and I suppose my own mindset and background has mostly focused on the discipline part of getting through these apathetic pitfalls. It's all about doing. Read your bible every day. Go to prayer meeting, fellowship, and church. Care for people. Reach out to People. Desire and discipline, I always told myself. If you don't have the desire, well, you can still have the discipline. If you don't have the desire to do any of that, well discipline is there. True. But what happens when the discipline continues on for a long time and the desire doesn't hit?
Just looking at my own life and self, it just seems to me that the problem with this mindset is that it is very me-focused. I have to find the desire. I have to find the discipline. I have to do this and that in order to be what I know is a 'good' Christian.
Then you miss a day of daily devotion blogging (that's me), or skip a day of reading the Bible to sleep, or maybe even forgo prayer meetings to sit around, lounge and do nothing. Then the guilt starts settling in, for me at least. I should have and I could have, but I didn't. And well, you missed a day and nothing terrible happened, so maybe you can skip it today too. And that knot of guilt just sits there in your stomach, feeling a little bit heavier each day. But you dismiss it because while you know you should care and you should do it, it's too hard to muster up the amount of discipline for today. Maybe tomorrow. It's a bad cycle that turns into apathy.
But none of that matters because that wasn't really my point. See how good I am at digression? All of that was merely to get into the mind of people who struggle with apathy (which includes me many many times). But all of that is just leading to this idea: That none of it matters.
It doesn't matter if you don't care right now, or that you skipped daily prayers, or that you forgot to read the Bible for nigh on two months now. Because at the end of the day, God still loves you no matter what, and if you believe in Jesus Christ, you are still saved.
Sigh. Why is that so beautiful? Every single time I read that, I still can hardly believe it's that easy. It's so easy for me to think my salvation rests on the amount of Bible verses I read, or how spiritual I'm doing that week, or if I'm on top of my game spiritually. But it doesn't matter how much I do, because God still loves me.
I write that and now I feel a little foolish and a little selfish because love without conditions are hard for me to grasp in this give-and-take world. But that's alright because God loves you too.
I can't earn my salvation anymore that I can earn God's love. Because He already loves. And if that doesn't kill my apathy, I don't know what will. I want to want because He already wants me. If that makes any sense at all.
Now of course, this can all be turned on it's head and something along the lines of "oh, I guess I don't need to go to church or read the Bible or anything because God will love me anyway". Ha. Ha ha. Yes, technically true. But oh so very wrong.
Huh. I'm actually trying to think of a logical reason why that is wrong and I can't think of one right now. Maybe because I'm too tired. So if you think of one, leave me a comment. But I suppose I'm just thinking... that's not how it works. I suppose you don't have to love God back, that's freedom of choice and free will. You don't have to accept the gift of salvation, you don't have to accept God's love. But I guess that's not the issue... it's "can you accept God's love and not change/do anything?"
.... no. I decided. No. Because you can't take God's love and not change. You're changed just by seeing God's love at work or in action, shown in the Bible. Ignoring all of that and saying you accept God's love without changing means you haven't accept his love at all.
... I need to come back to this because I feel like there are some major holes in this logic and I am too tired to think about it right now. To be continued then.
---
My daily verse of the day was from Matthews
"Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. if you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven."
urk. A good reminder for me when dealing with my parents who are trying to make sure I'm on a spiritually strong path. And like a typical parent, their questions make me want to throw righteousness in their faces and be like... see? I'm spiritual. I'm fine. Stop asking me ridiculous questions.
-____-" not good.
But it's a parent's prerogative haha.
Had a great discussion on legalism the core of apathy with an awesome person a few days past that I'm going to try to translate here:
I think at the core of apathy is actually the belief that you have to earn your own salvation. That the verse you're reading, the daily quiet time you have, the going-to-church part is "necessary" for salvation. And that's when it becomes a burden, a bothersome weight that ties you down and makes you think, ugh why do I have to do this when there are so many other things to do? You might know in your head that you ought to want it, you ought to do it because it's the "right" thing to do. But still, you don't really feel like doing it.
My fellowship and I suppose my own mindset and background has mostly focused on the discipline part of getting through these apathetic pitfalls. It's all about doing. Read your bible every day. Go to prayer meeting, fellowship, and church. Care for people. Reach out to People. Desire and discipline, I always told myself. If you don't have the desire, well, you can still have the discipline. If you don't have the desire to do any of that, well discipline is there. True. But what happens when the discipline continues on for a long time and the desire doesn't hit?
Just looking at my own life and self, it just seems to me that the problem with this mindset is that it is very me-focused. I have to find the desire. I have to find the discipline. I have to do this and that in order to be what I know is a 'good' Christian.
Then you miss a day of daily devotion blogging (that's me), or skip a day of reading the Bible to sleep, or maybe even forgo prayer meetings to sit around, lounge and do nothing. Then the guilt starts settling in, for me at least. I should have and I could have, but I didn't. And well, you missed a day and nothing terrible happened, so maybe you can skip it today too. And that knot of guilt just sits there in your stomach, feeling a little bit heavier each day. But you dismiss it because while you know you should care and you should do it, it's too hard to muster up the amount of discipline for today. Maybe tomorrow. It's a bad cycle that turns into apathy.
But none of that matters because that wasn't really my point. See how good I am at digression? All of that was merely to get into the mind of people who struggle with apathy (which includes me many many times). But all of that is just leading to this idea: That none of it matters.
It doesn't matter if you don't care right now, or that you skipped daily prayers, or that you forgot to read the Bible for nigh on two months now. Because at the end of the day, God still loves you no matter what, and if you believe in Jesus Christ, you are still saved.
Sigh. Why is that so beautiful? Every single time I read that, I still can hardly believe it's that easy. It's so easy for me to think my salvation rests on the amount of Bible verses I read, or how spiritual I'm doing that week, or if I'm on top of my game spiritually. But it doesn't matter how much I do, because God still loves me.
I write that and now I feel a little foolish and a little selfish because love without conditions are hard for me to grasp in this give-and-take world. But that's alright because God loves you too.
I can't earn my salvation anymore that I can earn God's love. Because He already loves. And if that doesn't kill my apathy, I don't know what will. I want to want because He already wants me. If that makes any sense at all.
Now of course, this can all be turned on it's head and something along the lines of "oh, I guess I don't need to go to church or read the Bible or anything because God will love me anyway". Ha. Ha ha. Yes, technically true. But oh so very wrong.
Huh. I'm actually trying to think of a logical reason why that is wrong and I can't think of one right now. Maybe because I'm too tired. So if you think of one, leave me a comment. But I suppose I'm just thinking... that's not how it works. I suppose you don't have to love God back, that's freedom of choice and free will. You don't have to accept the gift of salvation, you don't have to accept God's love. But I guess that's not the issue... it's "can you accept God's love and not change/do anything?"
.... no. I decided. No. Because you can't take God's love and not change. You're changed just by seeing God's love at work or in action, shown in the Bible. Ignoring all of that and saying you accept God's love without changing means you haven't accept his love at all.
... I need to come back to this because I feel like there are some major holes in this logic and I am too tired to think about it right now. To be continued then.
---
My daily verse of the day was from Matthews
"Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. if you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven."
urk. A good reminder for me when dealing with my parents who are trying to make sure I'm on a spiritually strong path. And like a typical parent, their questions make me want to throw righteousness in their faces and be like... see? I'm spiritual. I'm fine. Stop asking me ridiculous questions.
-____-" not good.
But it's a parent's prerogative haha.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Lapse
So it didn't happen as I wanted. So much for the daily devotion I was hoping for. But I'm back again.
I had a pretty miserable dream yesterday. And I realized my worst dreams aren't the ones where I die or am scared to death, or whatever the cliche for nightmares are - rather, my worst dreams are the ones in which I fail.
I think that says a lot for who I am, I guess.
It probably also handicaps me too just because I'm so afraid of failure that I hesitate to even begin trying at tasks that are important to me.
So today's verse of the day on my phone was from Psalm 50:14-15
"Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High, and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me."
Well isn't that quite a blow to my thought process. I've been depending on myself too much, thinking I can do it all as long as I try (though even starting to try is difficult sometimes).
But here, God's promise is so clear and sweet... maybe I won't succeed at what I do, but he will deliver me - and in this, hopefully I can honor Him.
I had a pretty miserable dream yesterday. And I realized my worst dreams aren't the ones where I die or am scared to death, or whatever the cliche for nightmares are - rather, my worst dreams are the ones in which I fail.
I think that says a lot for who I am, I guess.
It probably also handicaps me too just because I'm so afraid of failure that I hesitate to even begin trying at tasks that are important to me.
So today's verse of the day on my phone was from Psalm 50:14-15
"Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High, and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me."
Well isn't that quite a blow to my thought process. I've been depending on myself too much, thinking I can do it all as long as I try (though even starting to try is difficult sometimes).
But here, God's promise is so clear and sweet... maybe I won't succeed at what I do, but he will deliver me - and in this, hopefully I can honor Him.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Cleanse
Romans 13
11 And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. 12 The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13 Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. 14 Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.
A reminder to keep my mind, soul, and body pure because the day is almost here when God will judge man's secrets through Jesus Christ.
11 And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. 12 The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13 Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. 14 Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.
A reminder to keep my mind, soul, and body pure because the day is almost here when God will judge man's secrets through Jesus Christ.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Fear of the Lord
Verse today:
Proverbs 22:4
Humility is the fear of the Lord; its wages are riches and honor and life.
In Romans there is a verse that says how men exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man, birds, animals, and reptiles.
How easily we throw away life for mere images... Keep my heart humble, Lord. Let me not take my salvation for granted, but hold onto it with trembling hands.
Proverbs 22:4
Humility is the fear of the Lord; its wages are riches and honor and life.
In Romans there is a verse that says how men exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man, birds, animals, and reptiles.
How easily we throw away life for mere images... Keep my heart humble, Lord. Let me not take my salvation for granted, but hold onto it with trembling hands.
Last Minute
Almost fell asleep at this wretched hour when I remembered I put this off for later. Almost felt like not doing it, but I'd regret it tomorrow. So here I am.
I think those words say how I'm feeling right now- apathetic and running away from my problems. So I looked up verses on rejoicing in the Lord to put my mind in the right place, rather than doing this for self satisfaction or duty. A couple of the verses that cut to the quick:
Philippians 4:4
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
What an exhortation! Not simply to page through the Bible, but rather to read it and rejoice in the word God has given us.
And this chapter of Psalm struck me:
Psalm 104
33 I will sing to the Lord all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
34 May my meditation be pleasing to him,
as I rejoice in the Lord.
The entire beginning was dedicated to the praises of God and the many blessings he has given. Oh, let these meditations be pleasing to him, let my heart be in the right place. Remind me of the joy found in the Lord, and Him alone.
I think those words say how I'm feeling right now- apathetic and running away from my problems. So I looked up verses on rejoicing in the Lord to put my mind in the right place, rather than doing this for self satisfaction or duty. A couple of the verses that cut to the quick:
Philippians 4:4
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
What an exhortation! Not simply to page through the Bible, but rather to read it and rejoice in the word God has given us.
And this chapter of Psalm struck me:
Psalm 104
33 I will sing to the Lord all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
34 May my meditation be pleasing to him,
as I rejoice in the Lord.
The entire beginning was dedicated to the praises of God and the many blessings he has given. Oh, let these meditations be pleasing to him, let my heart be in the right place. Remind me of the joy found in the Lord, and Him alone.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Late Night Recriminations
It is only the second day and it is already a struggle to keep up with devotionals. But it's called discipline and pushing past the inactivity.
Today's chapter: Proverbs 29
Verse that stood out:
18 Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint;
but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.
How often do we ignore wisdom's instructions in favor of our own desires. A reminder that reflection and revelation on Jesus and his teachings are important - and of course to heed the lessons that are taught.
Today's chapter: Proverbs 29
Verse that stood out:
18 Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint;
but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.
How often do we ignore wisdom's instructions in favor of our own desires. A reminder that reflection and revelation on Jesus and his teachings are important - and of course to heed the lessons that are taught.
Friday, July 6, 2012
The Start
Introduction
This blog was created to keep me accountable to myself. As Paul has said in Romans 7:15
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."
What I want to do is to live a life that praises God daily through my words and actions and thoughts. However, what I have found myself deliberately shying away from reading the word of God or reflecting on my decisions and choices and seeing if they align with what I believe is the gospel's truth. So I hope that in creating this blog, no matter if it's just posting a verse or reflecting on my own thoughts in a hopefully Biblical manner, I can do what my soul longs for.
I am not going to over-think this blog as I normally do. So many times I omit things, fade away from blogs and other social communications because I don't like putting myself out there. But this will be different because it is for God and not man. What's here might not be good or right, but it'll be true and honest - and hopefully the good and right part will come with God's wisdom. It is what it is. Also, don't always expect coherency. Ha.
---
Verse Reflection
Romans 7:
For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
It is true, the answer to verse fifteen. How this speaks to me! To know that only Jesus Christ can break the chains of the law of sin in myself - so long I've found myself apathetic to even cracking open the Bible or trusting in God's strength over mine... ah surely there is no one who can read verse 24 and not agree with him: What a wretched person I am! The depths of my depravity and the amount of time I reject over and over by my actions by not turning to him first is so crushing to my soul when I truly reflect on it. Enough to bury me with guilt and turn me away to not deal with the sins at hand. But thanks be to God. Thanks be to God for deliverance.
---
Personal Corner
Today I met a high school friend who I haven't seen for 3 years. I knew she became a Christian during the years we didn't speak, but she was doubting and questioning motivations for becoming a Christian. I've seen that in myself, in other believers, non-believers and seekers alike. Doubt is like Doubting Thomas - God sees it, but he'll say: “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
And our faith should be all the more strengthened from that.
This blog was created to keep me accountable to myself. As Paul has said in Romans 7:15
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."
What I want to do is to live a life that praises God daily through my words and actions and thoughts. However, what I have found myself deliberately shying away from reading the word of God or reflecting on my decisions and choices and seeing if they align with what I believe is the gospel's truth. So I hope that in creating this blog, no matter if it's just posting a verse or reflecting on my own thoughts in a hopefully Biblical manner, I can do what my soul longs for.
I am not going to over-think this blog as I normally do. So many times I omit things, fade away from blogs and other social communications because I don't like putting myself out there. But this will be different because it is for God and not man. What's here might not be good or right, but it'll be true and honest - and hopefully the good and right part will come with God's wisdom. It is what it is. Also, don't always expect coherency. Ha.
---
Verse Reflection
Romans 7:
For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
It is true, the answer to verse fifteen. How this speaks to me! To know that only Jesus Christ can break the chains of the law of sin in myself - so long I've found myself apathetic to even cracking open the Bible or trusting in God's strength over mine... ah surely there is no one who can read verse 24 and not agree with him: What a wretched person I am! The depths of my depravity and the amount of time I reject over and over by my actions by not turning to him first is so crushing to my soul when I truly reflect on it. Enough to bury me with guilt and turn me away to not deal with the sins at hand. But thanks be to God. Thanks be to God for deliverance.
---
Personal Corner
Today I met a high school friend who I haven't seen for 3 years. I knew she became a Christian during the years we didn't speak, but she was doubting and questioning motivations for becoming a Christian. I've seen that in myself, in other believers, non-believers and seekers alike. Doubt is like Doubting Thomas - God sees it, but he'll say: “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
And our faith should be all the more strengthened from that.
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