Still flipping through Genesis. Hopefully I am reading diligently and not skimming through stories my eyes and ears have already remembered.
Genesis 18. I think I really really appreciate this passage when Abraham pleads for Sodom. If only ten people are righteous in this city... God would not destroy it. It shows exactly what I've sometimes wondered... does God listen to our prayers and even take them into account? Has everything been set in stone and our prayers are simply bits of words of our dedication to Him rather than a plea?
But Abraham asks, not once, not twice, but five times! And God responds each time.
It's been said before: pray bold prayers!
Let my prayers be bold and wide and lift up the people seeking to you, let this year be the year you reveal yourself to them. Let me be a tool in your hand. Let me pray these prayers. Always.
---
Personal Corner:
I guess I technically should be writing this in my more frequented blog, but whatever. Less eyes are probably better right now.
I've been getting rash up and down my arms. Today I got hit by a pounding headache around 11 pm. It's like my body's trying to scream at me, you're stressed~
It's the future, it's the people, it's the conversations, the disappointments, the overwhelming burden of the world. Aren't I hilarious? Thinking that the weight of the world is on my shoulders? Thank the Lord that I am not omniscient. I would implode. I've always wondered about knowledge and happiness... like why did God not want us to eat from the tree of good and evil, why the tower of babel was felled... And I'm not saying ignorance is bliss... (but is it? I don't think so), but it's like... why Moses couldn't see God's face directly. Too much for us to handle?
But I digress. I always do. Tangents upon tangents. Is it possible to feel this old and young at the same time? Old because I think I'm getting so much more cynical and tired. Young because I feel like I have only taken a couple steps from where I started.
This is going nowhere. It's like a stream of consciousness meandering off into crevices and cracks.
There is no conclusion.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Ruth and Genesis
Reading through the Old Testament.
It's interesting because when going through the stories and even through the (sorta boring) genealogies, I start recognizing names. And they all point to Jesus.
Isn't it interesting? It's as if the Bible is chronicle of Jesus' ancestry. It really does tell the story of God! It's pretty amazing when I think it about it like that - like before it all happened, God already knew the people that would be a part of Jesus' birth. Incredible.
I still have problems reading through the OT though. I can't help myself from taking lines as is and just not being able to understand why.
Questions such as: how can God regret making mankind (Gen 6:6 ish) especially if he already has the foresight and all of that?
How can Lot so easily protect strangers (yes I know they are angels) and say, oh you can have my virgin daughters instead? (Gen 19:6-8) What in all blazes? Is this connected to the idea that we have to put Jesus before our mother and father? (Luke 14)
Luke 14
25 Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. 27 And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
Sometimes OT boggles my mind because I can't understand it from my modern perspective. Sometimes I still have apologetic questions and I don't understand, which sometimes scares me because the idea of following someone I still don't understand makes me wonder if I am following blindly. Is it background? Is it parental influence? Is it selective blindness?
And I'm a leader in my fellowship. I've been baptized for years. And I still have doubts.
But it's times like these that I go back to what I know. I remind myself of the things that make the Bible so connected, remind myself of practical knowledge of knowledge Jesus did walk the earth, remind myself of the question of why the apostles would have such a marvelous change if Jesus were not resurrected from the dead, remind myself of the times I've felt God's presence, remind myself of the enormity of what Jesus did for me.
I'm still searching for answers. Maybe it'll never be fully answered. Stuff like, why three? why not five or six? But I'm still looking, I'm still asking. As long as I don't sweep these under the rug, I know it won't be blind.
And it is about faith. Ruth had faith. Abraham had faith. It's ridiculous the things they did in faith. But it all did work out well for God's glory. So faith.
---
Personal corner.
It's been hard lately. I'm going through that phase where I think no one can understand - even obviously that's never the case. But it still feels like that. And when I think about opening up to people, I want to curl up in bed and ignore the world.
I'm scared of being open with my fears and problems because I think it's embarrassing. I don't want to fail, I don't want to be seen as anything less than who I want to be, I don't want prying eyes into my life. I don't want judgement.
It's a trap. It's a trap because these are all the things that keep me from relying on community - and Christianity is never run by yourself. It's trap. I know. I've fallen in it before. But look at me, I'm doing it again. But I'm only human and God breaks me over and over.
And let me tell you, it hurts. Breaking is never easy.
I'm clinging to God right now, but I'm still hiding away. Look at me, don't I look fine?
Tomorrow I will be meeting up with my accountability partner. I guess the first thing I'll say will probably be something like... I'm not fine. Won't you listen why?
This is my song of right now:
this
It's interesting because when going through the stories and even through the (sorta boring) genealogies, I start recognizing names. And they all point to Jesus.
Isn't it interesting? It's as if the Bible is chronicle of Jesus' ancestry. It really does tell the story of God! It's pretty amazing when I think it about it like that - like before it all happened, God already knew the people that would be a part of Jesus' birth. Incredible.
I still have problems reading through the OT though. I can't help myself from taking lines as is and just not being able to understand why.
Questions such as: how can God regret making mankind (Gen 6:6 ish) especially if he already has the foresight and all of that?
How can Lot so easily protect strangers (yes I know they are angels) and say, oh you can have my virgin daughters instead? (Gen 19:6-8) What in all blazes? Is this connected to the idea that we have to put Jesus before our mother and father? (Luke 14)
Luke 14
25 Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. 27 And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
Sometimes OT boggles my mind because I can't understand it from my modern perspective. Sometimes I still have apologetic questions and I don't understand, which sometimes scares me because the idea of following someone I still don't understand makes me wonder if I am following blindly. Is it background? Is it parental influence? Is it selective blindness?
And I'm a leader in my fellowship. I've been baptized for years. And I still have doubts.
But it's times like these that I go back to what I know. I remind myself of the things that make the Bible so connected, remind myself of practical knowledge of knowledge Jesus did walk the earth, remind myself of the question of why the apostles would have such a marvelous change if Jesus were not resurrected from the dead, remind myself of the times I've felt God's presence, remind myself of the enormity of what Jesus did for me.
I'm still searching for answers. Maybe it'll never be fully answered. Stuff like, why three? why not five or six? But I'm still looking, I'm still asking. As long as I don't sweep these under the rug, I know it won't be blind.
And it is about faith. Ruth had faith. Abraham had faith. It's ridiculous the things they did in faith. But it all did work out well for God's glory. So faith.
---
Personal corner.
It's been hard lately. I'm going through that phase where I think no one can understand - even obviously that's never the case. But it still feels like that. And when I think about opening up to people, I want to curl up in bed and ignore the world.
I'm scared of being open with my fears and problems because I think it's embarrassing. I don't want to fail, I don't want to be seen as anything less than who I want to be, I don't want prying eyes into my life. I don't want judgement.
It's a trap. It's a trap because these are all the things that keep me from relying on community - and Christianity is never run by yourself. It's trap. I know. I've fallen in it before. But look at me, I'm doing it again. But I'm only human and God breaks me over and over.
And let me tell you, it hurts. Breaking is never easy.
I'm clinging to God right now, but I'm still hiding away. Look at me, don't I look fine?
Tomorrow I will be meeting up with my accountability partner. I guess the first thing I'll say will probably be something like... I'm not fine. Won't you listen why?
This is my song of right now:
this
Friday, August 17, 2012
GOING CRAZY
I am going crazy. It's not even the beginning of the school year and I'm already going mad trying to figure out everything.
BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN MY PROBLEMS.
Problem: I have a big God. SO HA.
Argh I really am going crazy though. That's why this is the verse of the day:
Psalm 29:11
BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN MY PROBLEMS.
Problem: I have a big God. SO HA.
Argh I really am going crazy though. That's why this is the verse of the day:
Psalm 29:11
The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.
It's time like these that I need to concentrate on the important things. Not the frantic chicken-head-chopped-off craziness of before school scrambles, but to sit and meditate upon God. That, really, my problems are so little in comparison to such a big God! And the things that I'm stressing and worrying about are little mole hills instead of mountains.
There is only so much control we can profess to have over the future, and just realizing that God already knows what's in store is good enough for me right now.
Perhaps tomorrow will bring on storms and tribulations or desperate situations. But today... there's Psalm and peace.
a peaceful sigh. ha... :)
Thursday, August 16, 2012
ser
A pairing of verses that struck me today:
Matthew 22:37; 1 John 2:15
Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
Oh these earthly ambitions.
Matthew 22:37; 1 John 2:15
Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
Oh these earthly ambitions.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Ha
Isn't it great how sometimes you ask those questions and then they're answered so quickly through the Bible?
Going off of last times question on if you can accept God's love but not change... reading Colossians 3 makes a big difference.
Basically all of verses 1-15, but here's some high points:
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
Bahaha, okay so I lied and I just copy and pasted a whole heck of a lot, but it's okay because it's such a beautiful passage! Difficult, yes, but also beautiful.
And also it does reaffirm what happens when you accept his love.
---
Personal Corner:
So now I am going to meet up with my disciple-ee about the future. A little bit anxious, nay more than a little bit. But God is good.
Going off of last times question on if you can accept God's love but not change... reading Colossians 3 makes a big difference.
Basically all of verses 1-15, but here's some high points:
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
Bahaha, okay so I lied and I just copy and pasted a whole heck of a lot, but it's okay because it's such a beautiful passage! Difficult, yes, but also beautiful.
And also it does reaffirm what happens when you accept his love.
---
Personal Corner:
So now I am going to meet up with my disciple-ee about the future. A little bit anxious, nay more than a little bit. But God is good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)