Fear

Still flipping through Genesis. Hopefully I am reading diligently and not skimming through stories my eyes and ears have already remembered.

Genesis 18. I think I really really appreciate this passage when Abraham pleads for Sodom. If only ten people are righteous in this city... God would not destroy it. It shows exactly what I've sometimes wondered... does God listen to our prayers and even take them into account? Has everything been set in stone and our prayers are simply bits of words of our dedication to Him rather than a plea?

But Abraham asks, not once, not twice, but five times! And God responds each time.

It's been said before: pray bold prayers!

Let my prayers be bold and wide and lift up the people seeking to you, let this year be the year you reveal yourself to them. Let me be a tool in your hand. Let me pray these prayers. Always.

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Personal Corner:

I guess I technically should be writing this in my more frequented blog, but whatever. Less eyes are probably better right now.

I've been getting rash up and down my arms. Today I got hit by a pounding headache around 11 pm. It's like my body's trying to scream at me, you're stressed~

It's the future, it's the people, it's the conversations, the disappointments, the overwhelming burden of the world. Aren't I hilarious? Thinking that the weight of the world is on my shoulders? Thank the Lord that I am not omniscient. I would implode. I've always wondered about knowledge and happiness... like why did God not want us to eat from the tree of good and evil, why the tower of babel was felled... And I'm not saying ignorance is bliss... (but is it? I don't think so), but it's like... why Moses couldn't see God's face directly. Too much for us to handle?

But I digress. I always do. Tangents upon tangents. Is it possible to feel this old and young at the same time? Old because I think I'm getting so much more cynical and tired. Young because I feel like I have only taken a couple steps from where I started.

This is going nowhere. It's like a stream of consciousness meandering off into crevices and cracks.

There is no conclusion.