Um. Yes.
A lot of things have happened recently and I definitely have been mia for a while. Thanksgiving, some interviews, a conference, work, people dating, people talking..... life, really.
I don't really know where to start really, haha. Except maybe just stating plainly and admitting to myself that I have been drowning myself in self pity lately. It's the idea that I don't know if I can face God and the Word and Truth that tells me to live the right way, the right path because I keep on failing and hating the things I do, the way I am at times.
It's easier to wallow in shame and self pity and despair than to reach out and grab onto God's truth, even though it's so readily there for me.
I've tried writing a couple of posts, but they turned into half written drafts that never seemed to get to the point.
But... it's better now?
Whatever. Back to devotionals. It's a super busy week (last week of school), but this is important. This is important.
James 1.
All of it.
Lovely.
So many verses speak to me here, especially 22 that states "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."
A sharp reminder to myself that the things I write down and think about are not enough. It has be true change, not something that stops for a little while and then moves on, like a bus passing through a bus stop. Specific things, like being slow to speak, slow to anger - I can't just acknowledge that as truth as well as my sins and then not attempt for change.
There are so many times I "know what is right" and then I brush it off because, oh just this once, or mrk it's not completely applicable here, or whatever I'll do as I please.
This is just a reminder to submit my life to God, including my words and my actions - not merely my thoughts.
God holds my future in his hands right now. He gives, and he takes away. But I will always say, blessed be His name.
---
Here is a thought I had: Why is it that we praise God or thank Him for blessing in our lives - and generally those blessings are things that could be considered 'worldly'?
Do we count our blessings in things of the world?
During Thanksgiving, saying my thanks and counting my blessings... I felt many of mine were praises of things I could earn through "human merit".
Do I still put my desires in things of this world?
What are things "not of this world"?
I need to do more research and reading.
But this is just on my mind....
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
change?
i might need to change my format. I've been predominately looking at the daily bible verse and meditating on that - but it's not consistent and it's not focusing on the books I want to read through and through. So after this, I'll probably shift back to Genesis or Romans. Probably Genesis. I think I'm doing okay.
One thing of note lately: I have been complacent. That idea that "I'm doing okay" is such an easy thing for me to slip on forget to keep on going. I start thinking, oh no worries, I'm good, I'm fine. And I stop thinking of ways to improve and change. Ugh.
Got a reality check yesterday with S-. But back to the reality check: I had not realized the lack of deep sharing in fellowship. She suggested a change of format, of focusing on the important things rather than the discussion, a change of mindset, and an increase of vulnerability. I sat and listened and was like... ah.. yes. Because I've been feeling the things that she mentioned, but she put it into words and cut to the core of the problem. She's really amazing, I can't even. She's someone I look up to, spiritually.
(This is a tangent). Sometimes I wonder how I could ever get there, as if there are miles between where I'm standing and where I should be. Or how she is able to tie her life back to God, always. Is it that some people find it easier to share, to be that conscious of God? I don't know. Or even prayer. I think the way she prays is very similar to another leader when I was a freshmen who I also looked up to: it was real and true, and so.. heart-felt. I don't know the right words. But sometimes when I pray, I feel like these words are just trite phrases and sentences that I've heard from sermons and other prayers and songs. Not all the time. Sometimes. What does it mean to pray truly from the heart? To remind myself of how to pray. I need to spend more time in prayer.
.... this really is a tangent. Ending it here. These are just thoughts, not really part of my daily devotional >.<
The conclusion and realization: I've been complacent and saw the routine of my fellowship as something easy and no longer needed my full attention and concentration. I need to change my heart, maybe change format and structure, change my mindset. Change. Only happens with Jesus.
---
Daily verse:
This is super short, so here's the whole thing.
Psalm 100
First thoughts: So what is the difference between Lord and God. Know that LORD is God? What does that mean?
So looked it up on google, ha. But they don't seem that helpful. LORD is definitely YHWH in Greek (what we say Yahweh nowadays) and that is the most sacred, holy name of God. Every other "name of God" is an attribute of God. I guess except for the "I am that I am" part. No wait. Okay, just read a couple more things. I am definitely not a scholar.
Here's a wiki link for important names of God. or Lord?
I still don't understand the difference, really, except that LORD is a..... ah wait. maybe a lightbulb moment.
Okay. God is God, meaning supreme being, creator of the universe. But LORD is his name. Only nowadays we have interchanged it all.
.... maybe makes sense.
Ha! Okay, more research done. LORD and Lord are both used in the Bible and they have different Greek words behind them. LORD is YHWH and only referred to in the Old Testament for God the father (I think). But Lord is kurios and is used for Jesus in the New Testament.
But God hasn't really been defined. Hm. So apparently the Greek word for God is Theos. Which just means supreme being or all-powerful authority, I suppose.
Somewhat satisfied. Somewhat.
But nitpicky questions aside, I don't know. This is a verse that only matters when I sit down and meditate upon it. Otherwise I'd glance at it and turn back to whatever else I'm doing. I've heard this stuff a million times or so, I might be almost desensitized. The LORD is good and his love endures forever. Heck, it's a song. But it's these verses that I have to keep coming back to and keep reminding myself about when I have those moments of despair or Ecclesiastes the things of this earth are meaningless and is just a chasing after the wind. That the LORD is good and his love endures. That these things are not of no worth if it's for God.
And that last sentence: that his faithfulness continues through all generations. That struck me in a way that I've never thought about before because so often I'm questioning why, why does the sin of the father affect generations all the down to three generations later? What has the son done, how is that right? I mean, that's sort of answered in that the teachings of the father will usually be translated down to those three generations and then after that, diluted if not retaught or if there is no decisive mover-shaker again. But in reverse as well, God is faithful through all generations as well. To remind myself that God is good, his love endures all through these generations.
... these words are starting to not feel from the heart right now. Not sure if it's because I left for class and came back to finish this post or if it's because I haven't really meditated on the thought that God is a good, loving, faithful God.
Closed my eyes and tried meditating on it. I'm just feeling tired and sort of ah yeah God does love me. Thanks God.
So what. So what? God does love me, God is good, so what?
So that I do not need to be burdened by sins or despair anymore. That I have an ever lasting joy that I can cling to. That this life has more meaning than this.
What are all these phrases..... I've written them here in this blog before and believed them with such passion.
But right now they just feel like words.
But there must be more than this.
There must be more than this.
Spirit of God, we wait for you.
Fill us anew we pray.
This is my song right now.
Lord,
Precious Father,
I come with faith - with hope and lay it all at your feet.
This tiredness... I lay it at your feet.
I pray to be renewed, to be filled anew.
Oh Lord, set me afire for you again.
In Jesus,
Amen.
One thing of note lately: I have been complacent. That idea that "I'm doing okay" is such an easy thing for me to slip on forget to keep on going. I start thinking, oh no worries, I'm good, I'm fine. And I stop thinking of ways to improve and change. Ugh.
Got a reality check yesterday with S-. But back to the reality check: I had not realized the lack of deep sharing in fellowship. She suggested a change of format, of focusing on the important things rather than the discussion, a change of mindset, and an increase of vulnerability. I sat and listened and was like... ah.. yes. Because I've been feeling the things that she mentioned, but she put it into words and cut to the core of the problem. She's really amazing, I can't even. She's someone I look up to, spiritually.
(This is a tangent). Sometimes I wonder how I could ever get there, as if there are miles between where I'm standing and where I should be. Or how she is able to tie her life back to God, always. Is it that some people find it easier to share, to be that conscious of God? I don't know. Or even prayer. I think the way she prays is very similar to another leader when I was a freshmen who I also looked up to: it was real and true, and so.. heart-felt. I don't know the right words. But sometimes when I pray, I feel like these words are just trite phrases and sentences that I've heard from sermons and other prayers and songs. Not all the time. Sometimes. What does it mean to pray truly from the heart? To remind myself of how to pray. I need to spend more time in prayer.
.... this really is a tangent. Ending it here. These are just thoughts, not really part of my daily devotional >.<
The conclusion and realization: I've been complacent and saw the routine of my fellowship as something easy and no longer needed my full attention and concentration. I need to change my heart, maybe change format and structure, change my mindset. Change. Only happens with Jesus.
---
Daily verse:
This is super short, so here's the whole thing.
Psalm 100
A psalm. For giving grateful praise.
1 Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
2 Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his[a];
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
2 Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his[a];
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
First thoughts: So what is the difference between Lord and God. Know that LORD is God? What does that mean?
So looked it up on google, ha. But they don't seem that helpful. LORD is definitely YHWH in Greek (what we say Yahweh nowadays) and that is the most sacred, holy name of God. Every other "name of God" is an attribute of God. I guess except for the "I am that I am" part. No wait. Okay, just read a couple more things. I am definitely not a scholar.
Here's a wiki link for important names of God. or Lord?
I still don't understand the difference, really, except that LORD is a..... ah wait. maybe a lightbulb moment.
Okay. God is God, meaning supreme being, creator of the universe. But LORD is his name. Only nowadays we have interchanged it all.
.... maybe makes sense.
Ha! Okay, more research done. LORD and Lord are both used in the Bible and they have different Greek words behind them. LORD is YHWH and only referred to in the Old Testament for God the father (I think). But Lord is kurios and is used for Jesus in the New Testament.
But God hasn't really been defined. Hm. So apparently the Greek word for God is Theos. Which just means supreme being or all-powerful authority, I suppose.
Somewhat satisfied. Somewhat.
But nitpicky questions aside, I don't know. This is a verse that only matters when I sit down and meditate upon it. Otherwise I'd glance at it and turn back to whatever else I'm doing. I've heard this stuff a million times or so, I might be almost desensitized. The LORD is good and his love endures forever. Heck, it's a song. But it's these verses that I have to keep coming back to and keep reminding myself about when I have those moments of despair or Ecclesiastes the things of this earth are meaningless and is just a chasing after the wind. That the LORD is good and his love endures. That these things are not of no worth if it's for God.
And that last sentence: that his faithfulness continues through all generations. That struck me in a way that I've never thought about before because so often I'm questioning why, why does the sin of the father affect generations all the down to three generations later? What has the son done, how is that right? I mean, that's sort of answered in that the teachings of the father will usually be translated down to those three generations and then after that, diluted if not retaught or if there is no decisive mover-shaker again. But in reverse as well, God is faithful through all generations as well. To remind myself that God is good, his love endures all through these generations.
... these words are starting to not feel from the heart right now. Not sure if it's because I left for class and came back to finish this post or if it's because I haven't really meditated on the thought that God is a good, loving, faithful God.
Closed my eyes and tried meditating on it. I'm just feeling tired and sort of ah yeah God does love me. Thanks God.
So what. So what? God does love me, God is good, so what?
So that I do not need to be burdened by sins or despair anymore. That I have an ever lasting joy that I can cling to. That this life has more meaning than this.
What are all these phrases..... I've written them here in this blog before and believed them with such passion.
But right now they just feel like words.
But there must be more than this.
There must be more than this.
Spirit of God, we wait for you.
Fill us anew we pray.
This is my song right now.
Lord,
Precious Father,
I come with faith - with hope and lay it all at your feet.
This tiredness... I lay it at your feet.
I pray to be renewed, to be filled anew.
Oh Lord, set me afire for you again.
In Jesus,
Amen.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Bible Study
Flew back in town today and went straight into my weekly Bible study with the older girls.
Seriously didn't want to go because I was feeling tired and out of whack... but realized I couldn't go next week and decided to buck up and go.
It was good.
These things usually are.
But we talked about heaven a lot and I.. don't know. I'm not really a heaven-thinking type of girl, even though Christianity is supposed to be quite a bit about heaven.
I just figure... I'll know when I get there (hopefully with faith). No point in wondering if babies are in heaven or where the souls of dead people are waiting to be judged.
But it was interesting to remember having these questions.
Whatever. I have a crap ton of work left >.< and a cup of disgusting coffee that I'm forcing myself to drink. le sigh.
---
The daily Bible verse:
Psalm 34:14
Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it
... 34:17-18
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
I liked the 17 and 18, but put in the 14 to make myself remember that it's not just calling upon the Lord willy-nilly. I do have to be righteous and turn away from evil and do good. I do have to seek peace and pursue it. I don't know if I can call myself righteous, but I do believe the Lord hears when I pray. And knowing that God is near to the brokenhearted is really quite beautiful. Really beautiful.
I don't think I'm brokenhearted.. but I'm feeling really indecisive lately - which kinda stems from an indecisive heart, I think. I don't know if I am focused on my goals and priorities anymore... and it's really really frustrating.
A friend wrote a blogpost about joy even times of sorrow or anger or a negative emotion. And I think I need to dwell on that for a bit. Because I am feeling so awfully unhappy with the world and myself and people and everything, and where is the joy?
This is such an incoherent post. These paragraphs don't really connect to anything or to the verse. ... excuse me, I'm going to hopefully go to bed soon. Hopefully.
But meditating on the nearness of God. Oh that I can feel God near to me tonight...
---
Have NOT forgotten about my Job thought. Will be back on that later. ... later this week, that is.
Seriously didn't want to go because I was feeling tired and out of whack... but realized I couldn't go next week and decided to buck up and go.
It was good.
These things usually are.
But we talked about heaven a lot and I.. don't know. I'm not really a heaven-thinking type of girl, even though Christianity is supposed to be quite a bit about heaven.
I just figure... I'll know when I get there (hopefully with faith). No point in wondering if babies are in heaven or where the souls of dead people are waiting to be judged.
But it was interesting to remember having these questions.
Whatever. I have a crap ton of work left >.< and a cup of disgusting coffee that I'm forcing myself to drink. le sigh.
---
The daily Bible verse:
Psalm 34:14
Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it
... 34:17-18
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
I liked the 17 and 18, but put in the 14 to make myself remember that it's not just calling upon the Lord willy-nilly. I do have to be righteous and turn away from evil and do good. I do have to seek peace and pursue it. I don't know if I can call myself righteous, but I do believe the Lord hears when I pray. And knowing that God is near to the brokenhearted is really quite beautiful. Really beautiful.
I don't think I'm brokenhearted.. but I'm feeling really indecisive lately - which kinda stems from an indecisive heart, I think. I don't know if I am focused on my goals and priorities anymore... and it's really really frustrating.
A friend wrote a blogpost about joy even times of sorrow or anger or a negative emotion. And I think I need to dwell on that for a bit. Because I am feeling so awfully unhappy with the world and myself and people and everything, and where is the joy?
This is such an incoherent post. These paragraphs don't really connect to anything or to the verse. ... excuse me, I'm going to hopefully go to bed soon. Hopefully.
But meditating on the nearness of God. Oh that I can feel God near to me tonight...
---
Have NOT forgotten about my Job thought. Will be back on that later. ... later this week, that is.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
QUICK
Quickly before I run down and eat with my family ^^ hehe yay home food :)
Maybe joy is similar to faith in that it's "confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see" or "assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen", depending on the translation.
I also wonder.... do you think any sad/bad/mad/evil thing could turn you away from God?
- excerpt from an email to a good friend
O.O wrote those thoughts down and automatically had to stop and think. Wait a sec, that sounds like Job!
So, going to read Job in a couple secs after dinner.
Maybe joy is similar to faith in that it's "confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see" or "assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen", depending on the translation.
I also wonder.... do you think any sad/bad/mad/evil thing could turn you away from God?
- excerpt from an email to a good friend
O.O wrote those thoughts down and automatically had to stop and think. Wait a sec, that sounds like Job!
So, going to read Job in a couple secs after dinner.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Romans 12:12
Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Scared for what the future holds.
So I am learning to be joyful in hope that there is something God has planned for me. Patient in affliction, that I don't just throw in the towel and give up or do things half heartedly, but still remember God in these afflictions. Faithful in prayer. Always.
Lord,
I lift this life to you. Let me be yours. Lift from me these burdens from the world so that I can fully devote myself to you. Let me keep my thoughts on you. Let me remember how to pray faithfully.
I lift this life to you.
This moment, this day.
This is yours: do what you will with it.
I will turn back to praise.
I lift this life to you.
In Jesus,
Amen.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Scared for what the future holds.
So I am learning to be joyful in hope that there is something God has planned for me. Patient in affliction, that I don't just throw in the towel and give up or do things half heartedly, but still remember God in these afflictions. Faithful in prayer. Always.
Lord,
I lift this life to you. Let me be yours. Lift from me these burdens from the world so that I can fully devote myself to you. Let me keep my thoughts on you. Let me remember how to pray faithfully.
I lift this life to you.
This moment, this day.
This is yours: do what you will with it.
I will turn back to praise.
I lift this life to you.
In Jesus,
Amen.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Peace
I found peace again.
I prayed aloud for the first time in a very long time. It was awkward and a little strange as the words tumbled out of my mouth. How do I talk to God again? How does it go? Who is God to me?
These are the things I have to remember when I pray aloud rather than internally.
Who is God to me? That's what I always have to think about when I pray aloud.
Do I talk to him like a father, imagining that I am resting my head on his knee as I talk to him about my daily troubles and thoughts during the day.
Do I view him fearfully like a king with my life in his hands and a scale in the other, as I lift him up on high?
Do I see a friend that is always present, always there for me to confide?
Who is God to me? Because isn't he all of those things and at the same, not a single one of those things?
I pray and I pray awkwardly, wondering how I should be speaking. Sometimes I do imagine myself talking to a father, or to a friend, or to the King... but what is important is the heart, right? And I come earnestly to Him, always when I pray out loud.
This is my heart, Lord, I pray.
This is yours, I say.
All of me, I whisper - because I fear this phrase so much, so so much.
You are Almighty, I say with conviction.
In Jesus, I remind myself.
Amen.
---
This is the daily verse I read today:
Proverbs 15:29
The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous
Somewhat fitting? Je ne sais pas.
A verse from Romans that makes me want to just fall on my bed and say praise the Lord, praise the Lord God Almighty.
Romans 6: 6-7
For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin - because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.
This reminds me of my post a couple days ago on Optimism where I just don't understand sin in my life and how much faith (optimism?) has to be put in there to truly believe God takes these things away. But oh, isn't this so beautiful? So utterly, strikingly beautiful to read that anyong who has died has been set free from sin. That we are no longer slaves to sin.
This is a reminder, dear past and future self, that because Jesus has died for us, because he was crucified, when we accept Christ into our hearts, we also die so that we are no longer slaves to sin. That I have been set free from sin. I am not chained, or tied down to the shackles of sin. The weight of sin -even that ever present sin that I can't seem to rid myself of- is not mine to bear because I have Jesus Christ.
This is a reminder that Christianity isn't a legalistic faith - where actions are stronger than Jesus. I don't have to beat myself over forgetting to update this blog, for not doing my devotionals or going to church, or meet up with girls, because Jesus. Because Jesus.
Belief in Christ set me free from sin and now I must put Him first. I am free from sin.
This is me remembering what grace is.
This is me putting shame and guilt aside and placing Christ in the foremost.
Why is this so beautiful? I can't even. Praise God, oh these words are so little to the passionate cry in my heart. Praise God! Praise God for He is! Praise God!
I prayed aloud for the first time in a very long time. It was awkward and a little strange as the words tumbled out of my mouth. How do I talk to God again? How does it go? Who is God to me?
These are the things I have to remember when I pray aloud rather than internally.
Who is God to me? That's what I always have to think about when I pray aloud.
Do I talk to him like a father, imagining that I am resting my head on his knee as I talk to him about my daily troubles and thoughts during the day.
Do I view him fearfully like a king with my life in his hands and a scale in the other, as I lift him up on high?
Do I see a friend that is always present, always there for me to confide?
Who is God to me? Because isn't he all of those things and at the same, not a single one of those things?
I pray and I pray awkwardly, wondering how I should be speaking. Sometimes I do imagine myself talking to a father, or to a friend, or to the King... but what is important is the heart, right? And I come earnestly to Him, always when I pray out loud.
This is my heart, Lord, I pray.
This is yours, I say.
All of me, I whisper - because I fear this phrase so much, so so much.
You are Almighty, I say with conviction.
In Jesus, I remind myself.
Amen.
---
This is the daily verse I read today:
Proverbs 15:29
The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous
Somewhat fitting? Je ne sais pas.
A verse from Romans that makes me want to just fall on my bed and say praise the Lord, praise the Lord God Almighty.
Romans 6: 6-7
For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin - because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.
This reminds me of my post a couple days ago on Optimism where I just don't understand sin in my life and how much faith (optimism?) has to be put in there to truly believe God takes these things away. But oh, isn't this so beautiful? So utterly, strikingly beautiful to read that anyong who has died has been set free from sin. That we are no longer slaves to sin.
This is a reminder, dear past and future self, that because Jesus has died for us, because he was crucified, when we accept Christ into our hearts, we also die so that we are no longer slaves to sin. That I have been set free from sin. I am not chained, or tied down to the shackles of sin. The weight of sin -even that ever present sin that I can't seem to rid myself of- is not mine to bear because I have Jesus Christ.
This is a reminder that Christianity isn't a legalistic faith - where actions are stronger than Jesus. I don't have to beat myself over forgetting to update this blog, for not doing my devotionals or going to church, or meet up with girls, because Jesus. Because Jesus.
Belief in Christ set me free from sin and now I must put Him first. I am free from sin.
This is me remembering what grace is.
This is me putting shame and guilt aside and placing Christ in the foremost.
Why is this so beautiful? I can't even. Praise God, oh these words are so little to the passionate cry in my heart. Praise God! Praise God for He is! Praise God!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Really quick
Really quick before dinner and a meeting rawr.
So went to the gospels as I said yesterday because it's times like these that I just need to remember the Jesus and the love God has for us (He sent down His son for us!).
Read Mark because I thought it was kinda unfair that people read Matthew since it's the first book, Luke because he writes very historically, and John because he has that whole first chapter on the "Word was God" and all that. But not Mark. So I read Mark.
I guess I'm still feeling contrary.
Didn't really go too far, a bit strapped for time and ah so tired, but that's neither here nor there because it's God time right now.
So Mark 1.
This part of it struck me:
Um yeah, my first question was how did they know there was a spirit? ... or that it left? But that's okay, I'll let that one go for right now (going back to it later when I tackle spiritual warfare or something like that).
But the parts I bolded: he taught them as one who had authority. What is this authority? Is it the timbre of his voice? Is it the strength of his conviction? how did they know he had authority, more so than the scribes? While I understand that God and Jesus knows the He has the authority because the Word came from God and the Word was God.... people listening might not have known.
So I looked up the Greek for authority. It is "exousia". Exousia : where I found it. And it means "it is lawful" or "power of authority" or the "right to excise power".
Ah huh? Haha. But something struck the back of mind and jostled a loose memory... it reminded me of a time when I learned about how Jesus preached. I think it was at Urbana... but regardless. It was saying that when Jesus talked and taught and preached, he always started with this: "Truly I tell you..."
At the time I thought nothing of it. It's just Jesus saying he's telling the truth. But the person explained how in the old times, anyone teaching would begin with: "_____ had said this" or "So-and-so told us this, and that is why...." etc.
For Jesus to put himself as the authority (authority! see what I did there?) solely instead of another scholar or another major prophet, it was almost blasphemy.
Maybe this is similar. Except this I don't get: if he only referenced himself, wouldn't most people raise an eyebrow and think, this guys is so unlearned, who does he think he is saying these things?
But people were amazed.
I can't tell if it's a positive amazement or a negative one. It should be positive right? So maybe Jesus' teaching was that powerful or right-sounding even with the backing of another scholar.
But that makes almost no sense.... some teachings from the Bible that Jesus says as an authority I can only take as truth because I know he is the son of God. Some things he says are not "right-sounding" and any fool politician knows to sound "powerful" or moving.
How, or is it why?, were people so amazed in a positive light?
I am a little mystified. I need to read on.. but I need to leave :/ Maybe it will be more understood with later thoughts... and more reading of the Bible.
But take home message of this little bit: Jesus is an authority.
... more on what that means later. (which means, when i actually find out)
So went to the gospels as I said yesterday because it's times like these that I just need to remember the Jesus and the love God has for us (He sent down His son for us!).
Read Mark because I thought it was kinda unfair that people read Matthew since it's the first book, Luke because he writes very historically, and John because he has that whole first chapter on the "Word was God" and all that. But not Mark. So I read Mark.
I guess I'm still feeling contrary.
Didn't really go too far, a bit strapped for time and ah so tired, but that's neither here nor there because it's God time right now.
So Mark 1.
This part of it struck me:
Jesus Heals a Man with an Unclean Spirit
21 And they went into Capernaum, and immediately on the Sabbath he entered the synagogue and was teaching. 22 And they were astonished at his teaching, for he taught them as one who had authority, and not as the scribes. 23 And immediately there was in their synagogue a man with an unclean spirit. And he cried out, 24 “What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God.” 25 But Jesus rebuked him, saying, “Be silent, and come out of him!” 26 And the unclean spirit, convulsing him and crying out with a loud voice, came out of him. 27 And they were all amazed, so that they questioned among themselves, saying, “What is this? A new teaching with authority! He commands even the unclean spirits, and they obey him.” 28 And at once his fame spread everywhere throughout all the surrounding region of Galilee.Um yeah, my first question was how did they know there was a spirit? ... or that it left? But that's okay, I'll let that one go for right now (going back to it later when I tackle spiritual warfare or something like that).
But the parts I bolded: he taught them as one who had authority. What is this authority? Is it the timbre of his voice? Is it the strength of his conviction? how did they know he had authority, more so than the scribes? While I understand that God and Jesus knows the He has the authority because the Word came from God and the Word was God.... people listening might not have known.
So I looked up the Greek for authority. It is "exousia". Exousia : where I found it. And it means "it is lawful" or "power of authority" or the "right to excise power".
Ah huh? Haha. But something struck the back of mind and jostled a loose memory... it reminded me of a time when I learned about how Jesus preached. I think it was at Urbana... but regardless. It was saying that when Jesus talked and taught and preached, he always started with this: "Truly I tell you..."
At the time I thought nothing of it. It's just Jesus saying he's telling the truth. But the person explained how in the old times, anyone teaching would begin with: "_____ had said this" or "So-and-so told us this, and that is why...." etc.
For Jesus to put himself as the authority (authority! see what I did there?) solely instead of another scholar or another major prophet, it was almost blasphemy.
Maybe this is similar. Except this I don't get: if he only referenced himself, wouldn't most people raise an eyebrow and think, this guys is so unlearned, who does he think he is saying these things?
But people were amazed.
I can't tell if it's a positive amazement or a negative one. It should be positive right? So maybe Jesus' teaching was that powerful or right-sounding even with the backing of another scholar.
But that makes almost no sense.... some teachings from the Bible that Jesus says as an authority I can only take as truth because I know he is the son of God. Some things he says are not "right-sounding" and any fool politician knows to sound "powerful" or moving.
How, or is it why?, were people so amazed in a positive light?
I am a little mystified. I need to read on.. but I need to leave :/ Maybe it will be more understood with later thoughts... and more reading of the Bible.
But take home message of this little bit: Jesus is an authority.
... more on what that means later. (which means, when i actually find out)
Monday, November 5, 2012
OKAY
The last post was a whiny post and not a fruitful one either! I had nothing of content there, which is just miserable because the purpose is to write down God thoughts.
So here we go. Got some motivation back, ima gonna try this again.
In Sunday school a while back:
Joshua 13-15 ish
On Optimism:
I wrote a little bit about this on my main blog, but it still pertains here so whatever. Christianity is an optimistic faith. "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (Heb 11:1). Optimism: Hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something.
Is there a difference between optimism and faith? Yes. the difference is in God. Faith is trusting in God and having confidence that He does have a plan for the things unseen. Optimism is only a state of mind. It's similar to how the difference between fellowship and a support group is God, and only God.
But I am hardly an optimist. So being faithful seems so against my nature as I weight probabilities and likelihood and impossibilities. Once I was telling my discipler about a continual sin -For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing- and she looked at me and asked: do you think you'll ever be rid of this sin?
I thought about it and in the end, concluded in my head: no.
But then, she asked, then why do you pray for God to take it away if there is no faith that it won't actually be taken away? (paraphrased, but something along those lines)
.... I had no response. My no comes from the past experience and times where I've beg and pleaded for it to be gone, where I felt like I've done everything I could and then also given it up to God knowing that I couldn't change myself and that only He could. Be even then, I sinned and hated myself for it. I sinned and felt guilty. Over and over and why am I writing the past tense? Because I still sin. But all of this, I look at myself and my past and see that I can't escape my sins and why would I be optimistic? But for faith - but for faith - the difference between optimism and faith is God. If it were only about me, then it would be a no. But if it's about God, then it should be a yes, yes I should have the faith.
It's hard for me, it really is. When I saw how God punished those who did not have faith (and in my mind I thought it was optimism), I was like... God punishes those who are not optimistic. Those who do not believe, or cannot believe. And as a pessimist/realist, I can't help but feel that it's unfair. Why? It's not as if I can suddenly up and become a optimist tomorrow, right?
But maybe then when I do trust God, when I do learn, when I can have faith, it is a testament to His goodness and faithfulness.
I don't know. I'm rambling.
What do we have faith in? This might sound so philosophical/not practical or whatever, but I am so serious here. The easy answer is God. Or Jesus.
.... please.
What I mean is this: we have faith - but faith for what?
That God has a plan for us, that if we believe in Jesus Christ that we will go to heaven, that God works good for all who believe (hopefully that's not a misquote), that God is good and just.
Okay, cool. But does he say that he will take away our desire to sin until heaven? I don't know, I don't think so. He will always forgive us, but.... or is this free will coming to play and taking it away would violate that?
Or for the part where it says God works for good for all who believe.... what kind of good, really though. People hurt, people die, there's suffering in the world. I've already mostly settled this in my mind and heart of how God can "allow" this to happen. But there's this part in the Bible that I can't seem to get over.... When David commits adultery with Bathsheba and she has that first baby... he dies after a week in which David mourns and puts ashes on himself. 2 Samuel 12.
13 Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”
Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for[a] the Lord, the son born to you will die.”
15 After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth[b] on the ground. 17
The child dies after 7 days. The next child that David and Bathsheba have together is King Solomon, the king that God loved dearly. I.... don't get it. I don't get it.
We have faith in God, we have faith that God works good for all who believe. - okay looking it up because i'm referencing it too much to not have original text:
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.
Okay. So the part I left out is the end, "who have been called according to his purpose". Yes, and our purpose (his purpose?) is to glorify God because that gives us the greatest joy in the end as well. I can understand that, even in our deaths. Humans fear death because it seems like the end of "self". But in God, with his ultimate promise, death is not the end but the beginning (wow sounds pretty trite, but true). Yes. going back though. So God works good for those who love him, but God does not necessarily give us good things. God does not necessarily give us wonderful things. God does not necessarily give us an easy comfortable life. God does not necessarily give us a loving significant other.
So what do I have faith in?
God.
Ah, why can't I find a better answer.
This post is getting too long, I'm getting confused at where I started and ended up.
I'll think about this more later.
One of the gospels tomorrow, I think.
So here we go. Got some motivation back, ima gonna try this again.
In Sunday school a while back:
Joshua 13-15 ish
On Optimism:
I wrote a little bit about this on my main blog, but it still pertains here so whatever. Christianity is an optimistic faith. "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (Heb 11:1). Optimism: Hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something.
Is there a difference between optimism and faith? Yes. the difference is in God. Faith is trusting in God and having confidence that He does have a plan for the things unseen. Optimism is only a state of mind. It's similar to how the difference between fellowship and a support group is God, and only God.
But I am hardly an optimist. So being faithful seems so against my nature as I weight probabilities and likelihood and impossibilities. Once I was telling my discipler about a continual sin -For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing- and she looked at me and asked: do you think you'll ever be rid of this sin?
I thought about it and in the end, concluded in my head: no.
But then, she asked, then why do you pray for God to take it away if there is no faith that it won't actually be taken away? (paraphrased, but something along those lines)
.... I had no response. My no comes from the past experience and times where I've beg and pleaded for it to be gone, where I felt like I've done everything I could and then also given it up to God knowing that I couldn't change myself and that only He could. Be even then, I sinned and hated myself for it. I sinned and felt guilty. Over and over and why am I writing the past tense? Because I still sin. But all of this, I look at myself and my past and see that I can't escape my sins and why would I be optimistic? But for faith - but for faith - the difference between optimism and faith is God. If it were only about me, then it would be a no. But if it's about God, then it should be a yes, yes I should have the faith.
It's hard for me, it really is. When I saw how God punished those who did not have faith (and in my mind I thought it was optimism), I was like... God punishes those who are not optimistic. Those who do not believe, or cannot believe. And as a pessimist/realist, I can't help but feel that it's unfair. Why? It's not as if I can suddenly up and become a optimist tomorrow, right?
But maybe then when I do trust God, when I do learn, when I can have faith, it is a testament to His goodness and faithfulness.
I don't know. I'm rambling.
What do we have faith in? This might sound so philosophical/not practical or whatever, but I am so serious here. The easy answer is God. Or Jesus.
.... please.
What I mean is this: we have faith - but faith for what?
That God has a plan for us, that if we believe in Jesus Christ that we will go to heaven, that God works good for all who believe (hopefully that's not a misquote), that God is good and just.
Okay, cool. But does he say that he will take away our desire to sin until heaven? I don't know, I don't think so. He will always forgive us, but.... or is this free will coming to play and taking it away would violate that?
Or for the part where it says God works for good for all who believe.... what kind of good, really though. People hurt, people die, there's suffering in the world. I've already mostly settled this in my mind and heart of how God can "allow" this to happen. But there's this part in the Bible that I can't seem to get over.... When David commits adultery with Bathsheba and she has that first baby... he dies after a week in which David mourns and puts ashes on himself. 2 Samuel 12.
13 Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”
Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for[a] the Lord, the son born to you will die.”
15 After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth[b] on the ground. 17
The child dies after 7 days. The next child that David and Bathsheba have together is King Solomon, the king that God loved dearly. I.... don't get it. I don't get it.
We have faith in God, we have faith that God works good for all who believe. - okay looking it up because i'm referencing it too much to not have original text:
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.
Okay. So the part I left out is the end, "who have been called according to his purpose". Yes, and our purpose (his purpose?) is to glorify God because that gives us the greatest joy in the end as well. I can understand that, even in our deaths. Humans fear death because it seems like the end of "self". But in God, with his ultimate promise, death is not the end but the beginning (wow sounds pretty trite, but true). Yes. going back though. So God works good for those who love him, but God does not necessarily give us good things. God does not necessarily give us wonderful things. God does not necessarily give us an easy comfortable life. God does not necessarily give us a loving significant other.
So what do I have faith in?
God.
Ah, why can't I find a better answer.
This post is getting too long, I'm getting confused at where I started and ended up.
I'll think about this more later.
One of the gospels tomorrow, I think.
Not a post, not really
Just updating because i am alive and I am thinking of God.
The past few days have been horrid, and the next few ones will be worse. I can't seem to focus on my devotionals at all, much less long to open my Bible or sit down in a moment for prayer.
But this is the time for God, when I will set aside 10 minutes to put my heart and life in his hands.
This time is for God.
The past few days have been horrid, and the next few ones will be worse. I can't seem to focus on my devotionals at all, much less long to open my Bible or sit down in a moment for prayer.
But this is the time for God, when I will set aside 10 minutes to put my heart and life in his hands.
This time is for God.
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