not a devotion, but i will edit and add one tonight, but just a little thought.
I wrote about trying to bargain with God beforehand, and today I encountered something I desperately want and it was that time point where I could have thought - oh God, if you just give me this, then I will do more for you, give up this sin, do more devotionals, etc etc.
But in light of Urbana and the things I have come to terms about with God, if God exists, and Jesus Christ did die for my sins, and the Bible is true, and I call myself a Christian and believe in this... then I have nothing left to bargain with. Nothing. Because it's all his already.
Ack. Yeah.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Resuming once more
Devotion. Devotion. Oh my poor blog. My poor resolutions.
I went to Urbana (one of the largest mission conferences in America with 16,000 people!) and I have much to say, much to think about. But also, a reminder that a daily devotion with the Lord is necessary and absolutely pleasing to the Lord.
Excuses, excuses. I have many - something like exams or studies, or perhaps that I've been doing devos and just not writing it down here, or whatever. Excuses excuses.
I am going to be reading through the Bible this year, I believe. At least one chapter a day. Memorizing one verse of Romans a day. And praying daily - even if that means reading over a prayer I've written before. And also remembering to give grace when I fail, instead of beating myself up and wanting to never touch this blog again because I don't want to face my failures. God has an abundance of grace.
Reading through Genesis.
Genesis 37
I have made it this far - hopefully I don't forget what I have read beforehand. Also, at Urbana, we did inductive bible study - looking carefully at the text to answer questions and dig deeper. Hopefully I can have that open mindset as well and not just skim through these things.
It is the start of the story of Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors. An old Sunday school classic - and I have many past impressions from elementary school picture books and such.
And I have so many problems with the story :(
[break: ugh I just took a 20 minute break in the middle of this devotional because I started feeling bored and the avoidance creeping up on me. God, give me strength and joy in reading your word. Bless this time I spend with You and let it be glorifying to Your name.]
Okay.
[break: I just took another break darn it and i hurt my finger :( sadface seriously. But why can't I concentrate? i can't type either ughhh... let's try this again.]
Okay. So Genesis 37. I read it again and the primary thing i keep thinking is how easy it seems to kill people in those times.... how, why? and these dreams... did Joseph know they were from God? was it arrogance to share them?
how bitter it must be for the older brothers to see favoritism. how horrible it must be for the father to think his son is dead. they sold joseph for silver. Jesus was sold for silver too...
I can't type >.< I'll try to come back tomorrow and finish up my thoughts on this chapter.
But primarily.... the conclusion for now is that God works through even the sins of other people- the sin of Jacob for showing favoritism and the sin of Joseph's brothers wanting to kill him and then selling him. God moves.
---
Memorizing Romans 6...
4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. 5 If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection.
---
I'll record the prayer I shall read often tomorrow when typing is easier. But for now, let God be on my heart and mind for this year 2013!!
I went to Urbana (one of the largest mission conferences in America with 16,000 people!) and I have much to say, much to think about. But also, a reminder that a daily devotion with the Lord is necessary and absolutely pleasing to the Lord.
Excuses, excuses. I have many - something like exams or studies, or perhaps that I've been doing devos and just not writing it down here, or whatever. Excuses excuses.
I am going to be reading through the Bible this year, I believe. At least one chapter a day. Memorizing one verse of Romans a day. And praying daily - even if that means reading over a prayer I've written before. And also remembering to give grace when I fail, instead of beating myself up and wanting to never touch this blog again because I don't want to face my failures. God has an abundance of grace.
Reading through Genesis.
Genesis 37
I have made it this far - hopefully I don't forget what I have read beforehand. Also, at Urbana, we did inductive bible study - looking carefully at the text to answer questions and dig deeper. Hopefully I can have that open mindset as well and not just skim through these things.
It is the start of the story of Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors. An old Sunday school classic - and I have many past impressions from elementary school picture books and such.
And I have so many problems with the story :(
[break: ugh I just took a 20 minute break in the middle of this devotional because I started feeling bored and the avoidance creeping up on me. God, give me strength and joy in reading your word. Bless this time I spend with You and let it be glorifying to Your name.]
Okay.
[break: I just took another break darn it and i hurt my finger :( sadface seriously. But why can't I concentrate? i can't type either ughhh... let's try this again.]
Okay. So Genesis 37. I read it again and the primary thing i keep thinking is how easy it seems to kill people in those times.... how, why? and these dreams... did Joseph know they were from God? was it arrogance to share them?
how bitter it must be for the older brothers to see favoritism. how horrible it must be for the father to think his son is dead. they sold joseph for silver. Jesus was sold for silver too...
I can't type >.< I'll try to come back tomorrow and finish up my thoughts on this chapter.
But primarily.... the conclusion for now is that God works through even the sins of other people- the sin of Jacob for showing favoritism and the sin of Joseph's brothers wanting to kill him and then selling him. God moves.
---
Memorizing Romans 6...
4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. 5 If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection.
---
I'll record the prayer I shall read often tomorrow when typing is easier. But for now, let God be on my heart and mind for this year 2013!!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Blah
I feel so bad for ignoring this for a while. Again... lots of things happened.... and yet again, I hardly have the time to do this. Haha.
Talked with cell group about being open and vulnerable and the meaning of cell group and why.
Remembered the beauty of God's promises through song at church. You Hold Me Now, by Hillsong. Beautiful.
Received another of God's blessings in a sort of earthly fashion... ? And still trying to remember to put my heart in a state of proper thanksgiving and praise.
Lost a ton of motivation for final exams (tomorrow! ack!).
But this is for devotion, and here is my heart and mind for God today:
I read some Genesis again, but I don't think I want to think too deeply in these chapters right now. Save that for later.
Here is a verse that touched my heart:
2 Corinthians 3
4 Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. 5 Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, 6 who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
This. Just this. As stated before, that song by Hillsong... just meditating on what it means to know that our sufficiency is from God. The things I burden myself with, the worries and struggles and the things I fill my time with.... God is more than sufficient for all these things. To meditate on his grace and through the outpouring of the Holy Spirit.
I can't say that I.... ugh how do I put this.... think too heavily, perhaps, about the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is rather something that I acknowledge as part of the Trinity and God and then... kinda say okay cool. And life goes on as I pray to Jesus, worship God's name.
Sometimes the things people say about the Holy Spirit sounds a little too.... iono... hokey. Like the experiences people profess as the Holy Spirit working could just be a crazy emotion, or an overly active imagination, or that you want it so badly you think it's true.
I believe in the Spirit's powers... but I don't think I believe that every time someone says it was the Spirit... it actually was. Or is it? Ugh, but God works in many different ways, so maybe? I'm confusing myself. Not the right night for that >.<
Regardless... I found myself in a welling of emotion from the song and the beauty and grace of God and just wah. Maybe it is the Holy Spirit reminding me what it means like to love love love
instead of this apathetic, complacent soul.
I don't know.
But our sufficiency is from God and God alone. That is what I remind myself of now.
Amen.
Talked with cell group about being open and vulnerable and the meaning of cell group and why.
Remembered the beauty of God's promises through song at church. You Hold Me Now, by Hillsong. Beautiful.
Received another of God's blessings in a sort of earthly fashion... ? And still trying to remember to put my heart in a state of proper thanksgiving and praise.
Lost a ton of motivation for final exams (tomorrow! ack!).
But this is for devotion, and here is my heart and mind for God today:
I read some Genesis again, but I don't think I want to think too deeply in these chapters right now. Save that for later.
Here is a verse that touched my heart:
2 Corinthians 3
4 Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. 5 Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, 6 who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
This. Just this. As stated before, that song by Hillsong... just meditating on what it means to know that our sufficiency is from God. The things I burden myself with, the worries and struggles and the things I fill my time with.... God is more than sufficient for all these things. To meditate on his grace and through the outpouring of the Holy Spirit.
I can't say that I.... ugh how do I put this.... think too heavily, perhaps, about the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is rather something that I acknowledge as part of the Trinity and God and then... kinda say okay cool. And life goes on as I pray to Jesus, worship God's name.
Sometimes the things people say about the Holy Spirit sounds a little too.... iono... hokey. Like the experiences people profess as the Holy Spirit working could just be a crazy emotion, or an overly active imagination, or that you want it so badly you think it's true.
I believe in the Spirit's powers... but I don't think I believe that every time someone says it was the Spirit... it actually was. Or is it? Ugh, but God works in many different ways, so maybe? I'm confusing myself. Not the right night for that >.<
Regardless... I found myself in a welling of emotion from the song and the beauty and grace of God and just wah. Maybe it is the Holy Spirit reminding me what it means like to love love love
instead of this apathetic, complacent soul.
I don't know.
But our sufficiency is from God and God alone. That is what I remind myself of now.
Amen.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Return
Um. Yes.
A lot of things have happened recently and I definitely have been mia for a while. Thanksgiving, some interviews, a conference, work, people dating, people talking..... life, really.
I don't really know where to start really, haha. Except maybe just stating plainly and admitting to myself that I have been drowning myself in self pity lately. It's the idea that I don't know if I can face God and the Word and Truth that tells me to live the right way, the right path because I keep on failing and hating the things I do, the way I am at times.
It's easier to wallow in shame and self pity and despair than to reach out and grab onto God's truth, even though it's so readily there for me.
I've tried writing a couple of posts, but they turned into half written drafts that never seemed to get to the point.
But... it's better now?
Whatever. Back to devotionals. It's a super busy week (last week of school), but this is important. This is important.
James 1.
All of it.
Lovely.
So many verses speak to me here, especially 22 that states "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."
A sharp reminder to myself that the things I write down and think about are not enough. It has be true change, not something that stops for a little while and then moves on, like a bus passing through a bus stop. Specific things, like being slow to speak, slow to anger - I can't just acknowledge that as truth as well as my sins and then not attempt for change.
There are so many times I "know what is right" and then I brush it off because, oh just this once, or mrk it's not completely applicable here, or whatever I'll do as I please.
This is just a reminder to submit my life to God, including my words and my actions - not merely my thoughts.
God holds my future in his hands right now. He gives, and he takes away. But I will always say, blessed be His name.
---
Here is a thought I had: Why is it that we praise God or thank Him for blessing in our lives - and generally those blessings are things that could be considered 'worldly'?
Do we count our blessings in things of the world?
During Thanksgiving, saying my thanks and counting my blessings... I felt many of mine were praises of things I could earn through "human merit".
Do I still put my desires in things of this world?
What are things "not of this world"?
I need to do more research and reading.
But this is just on my mind....
A lot of things have happened recently and I definitely have been mia for a while. Thanksgiving, some interviews, a conference, work, people dating, people talking..... life, really.
I don't really know where to start really, haha. Except maybe just stating plainly and admitting to myself that I have been drowning myself in self pity lately. It's the idea that I don't know if I can face God and the Word and Truth that tells me to live the right way, the right path because I keep on failing and hating the things I do, the way I am at times.
It's easier to wallow in shame and self pity and despair than to reach out and grab onto God's truth, even though it's so readily there for me.
I've tried writing a couple of posts, but they turned into half written drafts that never seemed to get to the point.
But... it's better now?
Whatever. Back to devotionals. It's a super busy week (last week of school), but this is important. This is important.
James 1.
All of it.
Lovely.
So many verses speak to me here, especially 22 that states "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."
A sharp reminder to myself that the things I write down and think about are not enough. It has be true change, not something that stops for a little while and then moves on, like a bus passing through a bus stop. Specific things, like being slow to speak, slow to anger - I can't just acknowledge that as truth as well as my sins and then not attempt for change.
There are so many times I "know what is right" and then I brush it off because, oh just this once, or mrk it's not completely applicable here, or whatever I'll do as I please.
This is just a reminder to submit my life to God, including my words and my actions - not merely my thoughts.
God holds my future in his hands right now. He gives, and he takes away. But I will always say, blessed be His name.
---
Here is a thought I had: Why is it that we praise God or thank Him for blessing in our lives - and generally those blessings are things that could be considered 'worldly'?
Do we count our blessings in things of the world?
During Thanksgiving, saying my thanks and counting my blessings... I felt many of mine were praises of things I could earn through "human merit".
Do I still put my desires in things of this world?
What are things "not of this world"?
I need to do more research and reading.
But this is just on my mind....
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
change?
i might need to change my format. I've been predominately looking at the daily bible verse and meditating on that - but it's not consistent and it's not focusing on the books I want to read through and through. So after this, I'll probably shift back to Genesis or Romans. Probably Genesis. I think I'm doing okay.
One thing of note lately: I have been complacent. That idea that "I'm doing okay" is such an easy thing for me to slip on forget to keep on going. I start thinking, oh no worries, I'm good, I'm fine. And I stop thinking of ways to improve and change. Ugh.
Got a reality check yesterday with S-. But back to the reality check: I had not realized the lack of deep sharing in fellowship. She suggested a change of format, of focusing on the important things rather than the discussion, a change of mindset, and an increase of vulnerability. I sat and listened and was like... ah.. yes. Because I've been feeling the things that she mentioned, but she put it into words and cut to the core of the problem. She's really amazing, I can't even. She's someone I look up to, spiritually.
(This is a tangent). Sometimes I wonder how I could ever get there, as if there are miles between where I'm standing and where I should be. Or how she is able to tie her life back to God, always. Is it that some people find it easier to share, to be that conscious of God? I don't know. Or even prayer. I think the way she prays is very similar to another leader when I was a freshmen who I also looked up to: it was real and true, and so.. heart-felt. I don't know the right words. But sometimes when I pray, I feel like these words are just trite phrases and sentences that I've heard from sermons and other prayers and songs. Not all the time. Sometimes. What does it mean to pray truly from the heart? To remind myself of how to pray. I need to spend more time in prayer.
.... this really is a tangent. Ending it here. These are just thoughts, not really part of my daily devotional >.<
The conclusion and realization: I've been complacent and saw the routine of my fellowship as something easy and no longer needed my full attention and concentration. I need to change my heart, maybe change format and structure, change my mindset. Change. Only happens with Jesus.
---
Daily verse:
This is super short, so here's the whole thing.
Psalm 100
First thoughts: So what is the difference between Lord and God. Know that LORD is God? What does that mean?
So looked it up on google, ha. But they don't seem that helpful. LORD is definitely YHWH in Greek (what we say Yahweh nowadays) and that is the most sacred, holy name of God. Every other "name of God" is an attribute of God. I guess except for the "I am that I am" part. No wait. Okay, just read a couple more things. I am definitely not a scholar.
Here's a wiki link for important names of God. or Lord?
I still don't understand the difference, really, except that LORD is a..... ah wait. maybe a lightbulb moment.
Okay. God is God, meaning supreme being, creator of the universe. But LORD is his name. Only nowadays we have interchanged it all.
.... maybe makes sense.
Ha! Okay, more research done. LORD and Lord are both used in the Bible and they have different Greek words behind them. LORD is YHWH and only referred to in the Old Testament for God the father (I think). But Lord is kurios and is used for Jesus in the New Testament.
But God hasn't really been defined. Hm. So apparently the Greek word for God is Theos. Which just means supreme being or all-powerful authority, I suppose.
Somewhat satisfied. Somewhat.
But nitpicky questions aside, I don't know. This is a verse that only matters when I sit down and meditate upon it. Otherwise I'd glance at it and turn back to whatever else I'm doing. I've heard this stuff a million times or so, I might be almost desensitized. The LORD is good and his love endures forever. Heck, it's a song. But it's these verses that I have to keep coming back to and keep reminding myself about when I have those moments of despair or Ecclesiastes the things of this earth are meaningless and is just a chasing after the wind. That the LORD is good and his love endures. That these things are not of no worth if it's for God.
And that last sentence: that his faithfulness continues through all generations. That struck me in a way that I've never thought about before because so often I'm questioning why, why does the sin of the father affect generations all the down to three generations later? What has the son done, how is that right? I mean, that's sort of answered in that the teachings of the father will usually be translated down to those three generations and then after that, diluted if not retaught or if there is no decisive mover-shaker again. But in reverse as well, God is faithful through all generations as well. To remind myself that God is good, his love endures all through these generations.
... these words are starting to not feel from the heart right now. Not sure if it's because I left for class and came back to finish this post or if it's because I haven't really meditated on the thought that God is a good, loving, faithful God.
Closed my eyes and tried meditating on it. I'm just feeling tired and sort of ah yeah God does love me. Thanks God.
So what. So what? God does love me, God is good, so what?
So that I do not need to be burdened by sins or despair anymore. That I have an ever lasting joy that I can cling to. That this life has more meaning than this.
What are all these phrases..... I've written them here in this blog before and believed them with such passion.
But right now they just feel like words.
But there must be more than this.
There must be more than this.
Spirit of God, we wait for you.
Fill us anew we pray.
This is my song right now.
Lord,
Precious Father,
I come with faith - with hope and lay it all at your feet.
This tiredness... I lay it at your feet.
I pray to be renewed, to be filled anew.
Oh Lord, set me afire for you again.
In Jesus,
Amen.
One thing of note lately: I have been complacent. That idea that "I'm doing okay" is such an easy thing for me to slip on forget to keep on going. I start thinking, oh no worries, I'm good, I'm fine. And I stop thinking of ways to improve and change. Ugh.
Got a reality check yesterday with S-. But back to the reality check: I had not realized the lack of deep sharing in fellowship. She suggested a change of format, of focusing on the important things rather than the discussion, a change of mindset, and an increase of vulnerability. I sat and listened and was like... ah.. yes. Because I've been feeling the things that she mentioned, but she put it into words and cut to the core of the problem. She's really amazing, I can't even. She's someone I look up to, spiritually.
(This is a tangent). Sometimes I wonder how I could ever get there, as if there are miles between where I'm standing and where I should be. Or how she is able to tie her life back to God, always. Is it that some people find it easier to share, to be that conscious of God? I don't know. Or even prayer. I think the way she prays is very similar to another leader when I was a freshmen who I also looked up to: it was real and true, and so.. heart-felt. I don't know the right words. But sometimes when I pray, I feel like these words are just trite phrases and sentences that I've heard from sermons and other prayers and songs. Not all the time. Sometimes. What does it mean to pray truly from the heart? To remind myself of how to pray. I need to spend more time in prayer.
.... this really is a tangent. Ending it here. These are just thoughts, not really part of my daily devotional >.<
The conclusion and realization: I've been complacent and saw the routine of my fellowship as something easy and no longer needed my full attention and concentration. I need to change my heart, maybe change format and structure, change my mindset. Change. Only happens with Jesus.
---
Daily verse:
This is super short, so here's the whole thing.
Psalm 100
A psalm. For giving grateful praise.
1 Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
2 Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his[a];
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
2 Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his[a];
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
First thoughts: So what is the difference between Lord and God. Know that LORD is God? What does that mean?
So looked it up on google, ha. But they don't seem that helpful. LORD is definitely YHWH in Greek (what we say Yahweh nowadays) and that is the most sacred, holy name of God. Every other "name of God" is an attribute of God. I guess except for the "I am that I am" part. No wait. Okay, just read a couple more things. I am definitely not a scholar.
Here's a wiki link for important names of God. or Lord?
I still don't understand the difference, really, except that LORD is a..... ah wait. maybe a lightbulb moment.
Okay. God is God, meaning supreme being, creator of the universe. But LORD is his name. Only nowadays we have interchanged it all.
.... maybe makes sense.
Ha! Okay, more research done. LORD and Lord are both used in the Bible and they have different Greek words behind them. LORD is YHWH and only referred to in the Old Testament for God the father (I think). But Lord is kurios and is used for Jesus in the New Testament.
But God hasn't really been defined. Hm. So apparently the Greek word for God is Theos. Which just means supreme being or all-powerful authority, I suppose.
Somewhat satisfied. Somewhat.
But nitpicky questions aside, I don't know. This is a verse that only matters when I sit down and meditate upon it. Otherwise I'd glance at it and turn back to whatever else I'm doing. I've heard this stuff a million times or so, I might be almost desensitized. The LORD is good and his love endures forever. Heck, it's a song. But it's these verses that I have to keep coming back to and keep reminding myself about when I have those moments of despair or Ecclesiastes the things of this earth are meaningless and is just a chasing after the wind. That the LORD is good and his love endures. That these things are not of no worth if it's for God.
And that last sentence: that his faithfulness continues through all generations. That struck me in a way that I've never thought about before because so often I'm questioning why, why does the sin of the father affect generations all the down to three generations later? What has the son done, how is that right? I mean, that's sort of answered in that the teachings of the father will usually be translated down to those three generations and then after that, diluted if not retaught or if there is no decisive mover-shaker again. But in reverse as well, God is faithful through all generations as well. To remind myself that God is good, his love endures all through these generations.
... these words are starting to not feel from the heart right now. Not sure if it's because I left for class and came back to finish this post or if it's because I haven't really meditated on the thought that God is a good, loving, faithful God.
Closed my eyes and tried meditating on it. I'm just feeling tired and sort of ah yeah God does love me. Thanks God.
So what. So what? God does love me, God is good, so what?
So that I do not need to be burdened by sins or despair anymore. That I have an ever lasting joy that I can cling to. That this life has more meaning than this.
What are all these phrases..... I've written them here in this blog before and believed them with such passion.
But right now they just feel like words.
But there must be more than this.
There must be more than this.
Spirit of God, we wait for you.
Fill us anew we pray.
This is my song right now.
Lord,
Precious Father,
I come with faith - with hope and lay it all at your feet.
This tiredness... I lay it at your feet.
I pray to be renewed, to be filled anew.
Oh Lord, set me afire for you again.
In Jesus,
Amen.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Bible Study
Flew back in town today and went straight into my weekly Bible study with the older girls.
Seriously didn't want to go because I was feeling tired and out of whack... but realized I couldn't go next week and decided to buck up and go.
It was good.
These things usually are.
But we talked about heaven a lot and I.. don't know. I'm not really a heaven-thinking type of girl, even though Christianity is supposed to be quite a bit about heaven.
I just figure... I'll know when I get there (hopefully with faith). No point in wondering if babies are in heaven or where the souls of dead people are waiting to be judged.
But it was interesting to remember having these questions.
Whatever. I have a crap ton of work left >.< and a cup of disgusting coffee that I'm forcing myself to drink. le sigh.
---
The daily Bible verse:
Psalm 34:14
Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it
... 34:17-18
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
I liked the 17 and 18, but put in the 14 to make myself remember that it's not just calling upon the Lord willy-nilly. I do have to be righteous and turn away from evil and do good. I do have to seek peace and pursue it. I don't know if I can call myself righteous, but I do believe the Lord hears when I pray. And knowing that God is near to the brokenhearted is really quite beautiful. Really beautiful.
I don't think I'm brokenhearted.. but I'm feeling really indecisive lately - which kinda stems from an indecisive heart, I think. I don't know if I am focused on my goals and priorities anymore... and it's really really frustrating.
A friend wrote a blogpost about joy even times of sorrow or anger or a negative emotion. And I think I need to dwell on that for a bit. Because I am feeling so awfully unhappy with the world and myself and people and everything, and where is the joy?
This is such an incoherent post. These paragraphs don't really connect to anything or to the verse. ... excuse me, I'm going to hopefully go to bed soon. Hopefully.
But meditating on the nearness of God. Oh that I can feel God near to me tonight...
---
Have NOT forgotten about my Job thought. Will be back on that later. ... later this week, that is.
Seriously didn't want to go because I was feeling tired and out of whack... but realized I couldn't go next week and decided to buck up and go.
It was good.
These things usually are.
But we talked about heaven a lot and I.. don't know. I'm not really a heaven-thinking type of girl, even though Christianity is supposed to be quite a bit about heaven.
I just figure... I'll know when I get there (hopefully with faith). No point in wondering if babies are in heaven or where the souls of dead people are waiting to be judged.
But it was interesting to remember having these questions.
Whatever. I have a crap ton of work left >.< and a cup of disgusting coffee that I'm forcing myself to drink. le sigh.
---
The daily Bible verse:
Psalm 34:14
Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it
... 34:17-18
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
I liked the 17 and 18, but put in the 14 to make myself remember that it's not just calling upon the Lord willy-nilly. I do have to be righteous and turn away from evil and do good. I do have to seek peace and pursue it. I don't know if I can call myself righteous, but I do believe the Lord hears when I pray. And knowing that God is near to the brokenhearted is really quite beautiful. Really beautiful.
I don't think I'm brokenhearted.. but I'm feeling really indecisive lately - which kinda stems from an indecisive heart, I think. I don't know if I am focused on my goals and priorities anymore... and it's really really frustrating.
A friend wrote a blogpost about joy even times of sorrow or anger or a negative emotion. And I think I need to dwell on that for a bit. Because I am feeling so awfully unhappy with the world and myself and people and everything, and where is the joy?
This is such an incoherent post. These paragraphs don't really connect to anything or to the verse. ... excuse me, I'm going to hopefully go to bed soon. Hopefully.
But meditating on the nearness of God. Oh that I can feel God near to me tonight...
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Have NOT forgotten about my Job thought. Will be back on that later. ... later this week, that is.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
QUICK
Quickly before I run down and eat with my family ^^ hehe yay home food :)
Maybe joy is similar to faith in that it's "confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see" or "assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen", depending on the translation.
I also wonder.... do you think any sad/bad/mad/evil thing could turn you away from God?
- excerpt from an email to a good friend
O.O wrote those thoughts down and automatically had to stop and think. Wait a sec, that sounds like Job!
So, going to read Job in a couple secs after dinner.
Maybe joy is similar to faith in that it's "confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see" or "assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen", depending on the translation.
I also wonder.... do you think any sad/bad/mad/evil thing could turn you away from God?
- excerpt from an email to a good friend
O.O wrote those thoughts down and automatically had to stop and think. Wait a sec, that sounds like Job!
So, going to read Job in a couple secs after dinner.
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